Can You Forgive a Bad Friend Who Disrespects You?

Sarah, 31, San Diego, CA



My family friend Sam has a great house in Palm Desert, with a beautiful pool, bbq area, and everything you need to entertain a group. Sam offered that I could use his house for my birthday party and I was excited to take him up on it and invite four girl friends to join me to celebrate.

A few weeks ago, four girls and myself made our way up to Palm Desert. Our girl’s trip started out awesome. We made a fantastic lunch, great margaritas, and then went hiking, followed by massages – a perfect birthday with my friends. In the evening, we all got dressed up and got ready to go out on the town for dinner and drinks. The night was so much fun and we were all ready to head back home around 1:30 a.m., except for my one friend Stephanie. Stephanie wanted to stay and talk to some guys we met from Australia. We thought she was having fun, so there was no point in dragging her in, besides she promised to be back soon and not make any noise.

At around 3 a.m., she comes back stumbling in drunk with 3 guys! They were opening up the refrigerator, taking out my friend’s beer and loudly laughing and carrying on. I ran downstairs and wanted to tell them to leave, but they promised to be quiet and make their exit in a few minutes. I went back to bed, only to find out in the morning that they ended up crashing on the couch and floor. I was so upset when I came downstairs in the morning to find beer bottles and drunk men I didn’t know in my friend’s house, that I was responsible for.

The guys ended up leaving and Stephanie apologized and cleaned up the bottles. We had a great next day again as well, except we somehow lost Stephanie again in a noisy bar, and she didn’t end up joining us for dinner, although it was my official birthday celebration. We couldn’t reach her because her cell battery had died. Guess what happened at 3 a.m. again? She brought two other guys over, as if my friend’s house was some kind of shelter for drunken frat boys! My girl friends ended up kicking the guys out, but the next morning Stephanie wasn’t talking to any of us. We tried to tell her that what she did was disrespectful, but she told us that we were being too hard on her and just jealous that she was having a good time. She still hasn’t spoken to any of us since that weekend.

I tried talking to her, but she has been ignoring me. I feel like she acted disrespectfully and should not be mad at me because I was frustrated with her. I’d still like to be friends with her but I’m annoyed that she’s mad at me and isn’t trying harder to save our friendship. We each think the other one is a bad friend. Am I overreacting or is she?


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