by Aaron F. Steinberg, Romance Male Mirror
You have the capacity to make all of your relationships better.
Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a fight, on the verge of a break up with your significant other and things have spiraled out of control and you find yourself thinking, “I have no idea how we even got here”? If the answer is yes, then you are not alone. This is the way that many, many fights between all sorts of different couples end up. No matter how much love there is, and no matter how high the level of communication, we often find ourselves lost in a disagreement because we don’t know what we are even disagreeing about, and furthermore we haven’t figured out how to get to the root of the issue.
Here’s an example of a common fight among couples, who aren’t necessarily trying to break up. John and Jane have meet up after a week apart from each other and John can tell Jane is upset. He asks what is wrong and she says she is fine. He accepts this, but after a while it’s very clear Jane is not fine. He asks again what is wrong, and she blurts something about how he didn’t even try to get off of work early to come see her and they haven’t seen each other in so long. John goes into an explanation about how he needs the job, how his financial situation is rough and she knows that and it makes him really uncomfortable to ask for favors from his new boss. She exclaims, “You won’t even be uncomfortable for me!” This begins a shouting match and they are both giving past examples of times the other has contradicted or acted in accord with the current situation and eventually John storms out and drives home, leaving both of them to ponder whether or not they should break up.
There is a good chance that they may reconcile this later and both apologize for acting crazy, but will the root cause that could eventually lead to a break up ever be dealt with? For a fair amount of couples, the answer is no. Jane could be upset simply because she wants to spend time with John and know that she is a priority in his life. John could be upset because he feels unsupported by her when she gets upset with him for doing things he feels he has no choice but to do. But how do they figure this out and avoid getting to the point where the best solution they are considering is to break up?
The answer is design the fight.