Design your fight to avoid break up entails setting guidelines by asking yourself and your partner the following questions:
- How do you want to have love expressed to you?
- What little things does your partner do to make you feel appreciated?
- How do you want to be supported when you are down?
- How do you want to be celebrated?
- How do you want your partner to present an issue to you?
- Can you come up with a way to diffuse out-of-hand arguments?
- What do you want the setting to be like when you have serious talks?
- How do you want to be challenged or criticized?
- What areas are non-negotiable?
- Where should your partner back off?
- Where do you want them to push harder?
All of these are important things that both parties in a relationship should know about each other, although few couples actually take the time to have these designing discussions.
At first, this can seem hokey. Usually when we date people we ask them about religion, politics, values, and other important aspects of compatibility, and we assume that if these aspects match up we will live in a successful partnership. But if we take the time to add in a foundation of how we want our relationship to go and not assume that our partner can read our mind or that because we have the same values we go about them the same way, then we will bring in an even higher level of functionality and happiness in our love lives.
Aaron F. Steinberg, CPCC our “Romance Male Mirror,” is a Certified Professional Life Coach and SFSI Trained Sex Educator from Oakland, California specializing in sex, dating and relationship coaching. He studied creative writing and mathematics at Occidental College and the University of Melbourne, Australia. He’s been writing and speaking about romance since 2008.