by Aaron F. Steinberg, Romance Male Mirror
People make excuses. In many cases we are so afraid to own up to our actions, thoughts and/or feelings that we often find ourselves explaining away all of reasons why what happened isn’t our fault. This isn’t surprising, and maybe it isn’t even wrong. It’s pretty scary to just put ourselves out there and say, “Yes, I am responsible for this. It was my decision to put myself in this situation. I was responsible for many mistakes or even the break up.” Saying this means that we take responsibility for our own actions and the resulting outcome.
There are probably many reasons why we do this – many of them are psychologically complex and confusing and are of little use in a love advice column. But there is one reason that is very tangible – basically it’s that most of us create stories for everything in our lives.
We all love to dream up if-then syllogisms whenever something strikingly bad or good happens to us. For example:
- If people like me, then I am a good person.
- If people don’t like me, then I am a bad person.
- If I am good looking, then I have value as a human.
- If I don’t get the job I applied for, then I am a failure.
- If I am over 30 and single, then I will never find anyone, or I am unlucky in love.
- If he wants another girl, then he is a jerk.
We all do this constantly, creating layers of explanations in our lives and making it extremely difficult to get to the actual truth.